Retrospective

Sometimes, it's good to look back and see how far we've come. I found myself a little peeved this morning, after spilling prescription cat food (which is much like liver pate) on the kitchen counter, cabinets, my slippers, and pajamas again.

Oh, how easy it is to forget that this mess-making is a gift, a privilege, a blessing ... because it is the means by which our beloved Mack will recover from this horrible roller coaster ride of illness.

It was ONLY FOUR WEEKS AGO (March 10) that our struggle to keep Mack alive first began, when we first took him to the vet because he'd lost so much weight. The following Monday, March 12, we got the results of the first blood tests ... and the roller coaster ride began:


Monday, March 12

(Email to Sue, Mack's first mom)

I have some sad news. Our baby, cuddly, nuzzle-under-your-chin lover, Mack, is sick, and I don't know how long he's going to last. I just got off the phone with the vet, who says blood tests point to liver failure, and since we can't stop him from being an alcoholic (which would be an easy way to get him to stop hurting his liver ... if that was the problem), the vet isn't sure what we can do to cause a turnaround. He's doing one more blood test, to see if that, too, points to the liver. But short of ripping the liver out of a healthy cat and doing a transplant, there's probably not much we can do.

I've just made a public spectacle of myself, crying my eyes out in the office, over this news.

I hate this.


(Sue's response)

If it’s any consolation (and I do know, it’s really not), I’m crying too. This is the part of life that sucks so much. Mack has been so fortunate all his life – he’s always been greatly loved and cared for. Every moment is precious with someone you love – I don’t care if they have 2 feet or 4. If the tests confirm the worst, find out how much time he has left to live a comfortable, happy life and give him – and yourselves – that time. As much as I love Virus – she’s my precious baby – I’ve sworn to myself not to let her suffer if her health gives out on her. I love her too much. Just as you love Mack. Man, this sucks. I still love him too. Not like you do, but he’s a part of my heart and it’s breaking.


(My reply to Sue)

We're taking Mack for a 2nd opinion to a clinic in Theinsville this afternoon. I'll let you know what they say. I agree ... I don't want him to suffer. That's why we finally put Cinnamon down in January ... her joints were so bad she just couldn't get around on the hardwood floors without falling several times a day, and when we're at work all day, that's a lot of hours to be stranded, splayed out in 4 directions like Bambi on the ice.

Thank you for your wonderful heart ... I know you haven't seen him in a long time, but Mack is the BEST (next to Lucky?) cat EVER. We're going to do all we can to keep him, healthy, for as long as possible. That's why we're going for the 2nd opinion ... our favorite vet retired about 3 years ago, and his associates (while probably competent) just don't seem to have the same kind of proactive and caring attitude. So we'll see what someone else's vet has to say.


(From Sue)

I’m glad you’re going for a 2nd (and 3rd, if need be) opinion until you find a vet who is going to be proactive and caring for the best cat EVER. He’s certainly a lucky cat. I’m so glad he’s yours.


Tuesday, March 13

(Email to Sue and other concerned friends and family)

The second opinion yesterday said that Mack has a slightly enlarged liver, and ought to have an ultrasound and biopsy to find out exactly what is going on. Our primary vet will have results today from a second blood test which he hopes will also give us more information so we know what we're dealing with.

Yesterday, I thought that if I could just get Mack to eat, we'd at least have a fighting chance. Last night, I got about 2 tsp of prescription cat food down him with a syringe, but he went downstairs about 1/2 hour later and regurgitated it. I also discovered he hadn't kept down the teaspoon of yogurt he licked from my finger. So I'm very worried about what his little body is using for fuel right now.

UPDATE: 11 a.m. CDT Tuesday, March 13
Our regular vet called about 10:30 to talk about the results of the second blood test: Mack's bile acids are mildly elevated (or WERE, on Saturday, when the blood sample was taken). He also had a chance to view the x-ray taken at the other clinic yesterday, and read my note (in which I told him about Mack's seeming inability to keep any food down).

In light of Mack's age (10.5 ... I thought he was born in 1997, but it was 1996! Which, apparently qualifies him in our vet's mind as "an old guy"), the vet thinks it would be best not to put Mack through the trauma of the ultrasound and the invasive procedure necessary to take a biopsy of the liver.

Here's why: there are two groups of problems that COULD be going on with his liver.

One group is ultra-serious, and would be confirmed by the biopsy, but there is really nothing much, short of a liver transplant (evil laugh ... do we have a donor?) that might help him.

The other group of problems is less serious, and MAY be helped by cortisone, which is an anti-inflammatory and could reduce swelling in his liver and allow it to begin functioning again. The cortisone could be administered via injection OR orally. Since Mack isn't keeping anything down, I asked about the injection, and whether I could bring him over, right now, this very minute, to get things started. The vet said YES.

So we're home now. The doctor's nurse who administered the injection (Mack didn't even flinch) says we could hope for some change in his behavior (interest in food or water would be good) within 12 hours, if we're lucky. Otherwise, they would like to hear from us if he seems to get worse, but they'd expect him to be better ... and would like to get an update on Friday, at the latest, in either case. I'm thinking if he doesn't at least DRINK something soon, I don't understand how he'd last until Friday.

Sigh. That's all for now.

Mack and I are going down for a nap.


(From Sue)

I’m praying constantly for a miracle. Old guy? BAH! Tell Mack he’s got a mile of prayers flowing for him. 12 hours will tell a lot. I’ll keep praying, you keep cuddling him.


(From a colleague at work ... who also sent Mack's blood test results to her cousin -- Trisha -- at an LA animal hospital, for an opinion)

Well, that makes two of us on cortisone. The injection is better because the oral can take 3 days to have results. However, even with the injection, be patient – results may take a bit ;)


(To my work colleague)

Oh, thank you for the advice to be patient. That's probably why the vet wants an update on Friday, rather than right away tomorrow.


(From the same colleague)

Trisha said that you can give him an appetite stimulant as well.


(Again, from the same colleague)

Also, try beech nut baby food stage one any meat flavor.


(My response)

Thank you. I'll go get some. I appreciate any info that has me DOING something proactive instead of just watching him shrivel away.


Wednesday, March 14

(From Sue)

How is he? How are you?

(To Sue)

I'm okay, but not encouraged. I waited 11.5 hours after the cortisone shot, and offered him Gerber strained ham. He walked away. This morning, I figured the cortisone had had that many more hours to work, so I opened another jar (turkey, this time) and offered it to him. He walked away. About 11 a.m., Amy (who is now unemployed and living at our house) offered him something ... he ran back into her bedroom.

I put a call in to our vet, asking whether we could try an appetite stimulant and / or something to settle his stomach (like pepcid) ... which was suggested by my colleague's cousin, who has worked at the LA Animal Hospital for 10 years. Still waiting for the vet to call me back with a response to this inquiry.

Not looking good.

I'm at work today, at least. Yesterday, I took off work, thinking I'd be asked to take him in for an ultrasound or biopsy. I think it's the right thing to do, not traumatizing him for some procedure that would only prove he's got something we can't cure him of, anyway.

Sigh.

Thank you for asking!

I'll let you know if anything changes ... or if the doc ever calls me back.

:-|


(To Sue)

Some better news: the vet called about 3:15 this afternoon, looking for an update. I told him Mack had refused all food and we have no evidence he's been drinking, either. The vet says it's a good sign that he doesn't seem to be retching, even though there's no food in his stomach. I didn't realize that was good news, but it makes sense now.

The vet also finally responded about appetite stimulants and tummy-settlers. The cortisone apparently IS an appetite stimulant, and the vet agreed to give Mack a mild anti-nausea injection when we took him in at 4:20 to have subcutaneous fluids injected into him.

He took it very well, although he's not liking the frequent visits to the vet.

He still isn't eating, and runs away from food. But he seems more active, and actually even flipped over on his back, AS IF inviting John to pet his belly, about 1/2 hour ago. (I say "as if" because he really didn't WANT that.)

At least he's feeling better, with several ounces of fluids in him. He seemed surprised he had to go pee.

:-)

I'll let you know when he eats!!!


(From Sue)

Prayers are flowing! Come on Mack, Drink! Eat!! (He apparently has the “Be Merry” part down.) Go Mack Go!!



Thursday, March 15

(To Sue)

I may go out and get some real vanilla ice cream after work and try to entice him with it. The baked potato with butter is tempting, but I'm afraid all that fat wouldn't be processed well by his overtaxed and shut-down system. And when he refused it, anyway, I'd end up eating it myself (which is not a problem with the strained babyfood turkey and ham I've been presenting to him).

Any other ideas? I haven't tried cheese yet, but I'm not sure that would entice him. Reggie, yes. (God, he's obnoxious in the kitchen. Learned that Amy is the fountain of cheese and milk!) But Mack ... John was going to give him a chunk of deli turkey last night, and I presented strained turkey instead. Maybe we'll go with the real turkey.

I told you about Cinnamon's Achille's heel [when our dog stopped eating after a stroke last spring] ... peanut butter. I need to find Mack's .............


(From Sue)

Ice Cream. Go with the Ice Cream. Maybe a pint of low fat and if that doesn’t do it, give him some of the “good” stuff. The boy loves ice cream! (And who can blame him?!) What about Fancy Feast salmon?


Friday, March 16

(From Sue)

How is he (and you) this morning?


(To Sue)

No change. He's lapsing back into his "pre-injection" malaise ... hiding out in the basement most of the time, curled into a tight little upright ball.

I tried the full-fat ice cream (vanilla) last night. Got him interested enough to take 2 licks off my finger, then he seemed to be fighting a gag reflex. Not big, just enough to put him off it. Turned his nose up at the Fancy Feast salmon. :-(

Shannon is babysitting for a 7 or 8 year old girl this week, and brought her over to visit for 1/2 hour or so. She has, in the past, truly enjoyed playing with the cats (she has only a bijon-friese dog at home), and was REALLY mad at Shannon for not letting her say good-bye to Cinnamon before she died. (I love this family ... they LOVE Shannon!)

ANYway, (the short story always becomes longer in the telling!) I thought it would be fun to tease the kitties with a little catnip, for the little girl's amusement ... and it occurred to me that ... they use POT medicinally ... maybe a little medicinal catnip might ignite Mack's appetite!

Alas. While he was moved to lick my fingers of the catnip oil (there's fresh growth in the back yard, just because we had a few warm days! Gotta love weeds!) ... it didn't give him the munchies. He was a little more animated for a while, but not hungry.

Sigh.

I wrote my vet a note and delivered it the clinic this morning; I'm waiting to hear his recommendations for next steps.

Amy is depressed and crying, thinking we're all just too casual in that we can talk about it and be in the same room without becoming a puddle. I told her we're all sad and desperately trying to save him, but we've been living with it for over a week now, and have had time to rant and cry. Now we just need to get practical and do what we can. (If she had been around home more, she would have seen this process, participated in it, and might be where we are, too. Sigh.) Shannon has scar tissue where it hurts, and is very sad, but philosophical about how good a life he has had, so much love he has given, and eager to learn if there is anything we can do to keep him with us.

I just want to cry.


(To my niece)

Hey ... just so you know ... one of our cats seems to be deathly ill ... his liver is failing. We're trying everything we can think of to get him to eat, drink, anything. I've been a little distracted, because of the vet visits and vigil. Here's a picture of him:

http://flickr.com/photos/shrnmc1/397738930/
http://flickr.com/photos/shrnmc1/392373614/
http://flickr.com/photos/shrnmc1/392370671/
http://flickr.com/photos/shrnmc1/392370670/in/photostream/

Next to Lucky, he's the best cat that ever lived. He snuggles up under our chins, likes to be under the covers with us, and trusts that we will never let him come to harm. I feel so awful letting him down in that!

Please send good healing thoughts for Mack!


The rest of the story has been posted on this blog, beginning with the one titled Mack Update. To read them in order, just click on "Newer Post" for the next one.

You'll also find some less practical / more meditative reflections on the situation on my other blog, Thinking Out Loud, in the postings titled Of Love and Money, Serenity-Courage-Wisdom, and Blessings.